homeostasis

menulis. lama sudah aku tak menulis. sibuk kerja tak juga. sibuk belajar tak juga. entah apa yang mengekang aku dari menulis, aku pun tak tau. tapi harini aku rasa nak menulis. so, here i am thinking what to rumble & mumble

a lot of things happened since my last entry. too much to tell but i'll jot down what i think is interesting to share. a tell tale story of me. every time i'm here. something must've happened. and since i don't have anyone to share with. i'm writing it, at least it could ease the burden a bit.

i'm stressed. really. but not to the extend being crazy and what not. it's just that since i started working with my current employee, i'm stressed by the anonymity of my job. fuck it hard. for the past six month i've been living like hell. changes in sleep pattern are a classic sign of stress. i can't focus and i've lost attentiveness. so i resorted to look for a new one.

the past few weeks i've attended no less than 5 interviews. each time looks promising. but nothing came tru tho'. but i won't give up. last week i went for another one. they verbally offered me a job as an ESH consultant few days later after the interview. wow. this sounds very interesting to me. but i've to meet with the Group Financial Controller first. so there i was, being interviewed with GFO lady. with my offer letter on the table. i can see my name on it. but she said hold on. i've to wait for the Director to sign it first.

oh God. menanti itu memang menyeksakan. but i'll stay put. and positive. i hope i can secure this job. if i stay in my current job any longer. i'll definitely gone crazy and eventually be sent to mental rehab. hahaha

26. a year past the silver jubilee. ones should have something good by now. but here i am. still struggling with my life. my studies. my career. i'm not really sure what i'm doing at the moment. i've a plan, but a vague one. i've to change for the better. aku kena berubah.

owh..it sounds so nice. a bit cliche i supposed. easier said than done.

final exam is just around the corner. i can imagine the pressure coming in. suppose i'll get hired for the new job. i'll serve my remaining days in the starting of the exam. and i'll be sitting for papers in the midst of the new job. stressful indeed. paramount i presumed. mati lah macam ni

my love life doesn't seems to evolve. yet. if i tell anyone new that i don't have a girlfriend for the past 26 years. nobody will believe me. fuck them. it's the truth. and each time i got the same comments. "u're being too choosy, chap". memilih sangat. takde insuran punya mulut. gua chili baru taw. the fact is, i sux at asking someone for a date. i don't have the skills. fuck me.

i need help. buntu. kosong. duduk peluk lutut sendiri.