2008.99999 infiniti

entri untuk wrap up 2008 =)

hmm.. dah lama x menaip entri mcm ni. rasa nya kali terakhir buat entri hujung tahun was back in 2006. masa tu masih student.

anyway, aku nak buat entri ni supaya boleh jadi peringatan untuk diri sendiri dan bahan sengih sendirian in future. aku cuba la untuk ingat, sebab banyak sangat & dah lama. aku punya memori pon bukan bagus sangat.

mana nak mula?

i think i will start with January lah. masa ni kalau x silap aku baru sebulan join Miyazu (M) Sdn Bhd. syarikat yang buat kerja-kerja stamping untuk kereta proton. kebetulan masa aku join ni time kritikal. nak keluarkan model SAGA baru. masih banyak problem kat production line, tapi time nak launching dah dekat. tugas aku jadi 'kambing hitam' production dept. w/pun sebenarnya aku dr engineering dept. nak buat mcm mana, budak baru, bos sendiri bagi pinjam pulak. almost every day masuk kilang pukul 7 am, keluar kilang 8 am. kerja aku update production board. bangang juga proton ni, dah lebih 20 tahun tapi semua pon masih manual. tak guna teknologi langsung.

dalam masa yg sama jugak, aku tgh struggle utk peperiksaan akhir semester pertama. fuhh, mmg giler la kepala otak aku time ni. siang keje. malam study group. memang penat. but it was worth the trouble. the exam results? never in my dream nak score pointer setinggi tu. i have to say millions of thanks to all my study group buddies. fatim, amir, rifqi, hazrina & fizah. dan jugak kena terima kasih pd tokey kedai 'noodle station' SS15 subang jaya. ini la markas study group aku. banyak kali juga kena 'halau balik' sebab tokey nak tutup kedai dah. haha

about a month after the exam, aku & my study group buddies went to Phuket on chinese new year. in February. rabu - ahad. lama? banyak abis masa atas bus je sebenarnye. it was an absurd, very the last minute adhoc plan actually. call air asia tiket abis. call ktm tiket abis. last-last gi pudu beli tiket naik bus. giler tp mmg best. but, itulah first and last aku akan buat trip macam tu. keras punggung beb!

bulan-bulan seterusnya berlalu seperti biasa. cuti semester. boring. aku sebenarnya looking forward untuk jumpa balik classmate. in the same time, aku dah mula stable kat kompeni baru, tp still looking for other opportunity.

bila difikir balik, tak banyak pon perkara yang menarik untuk di coret. my life only circles around work place, studies. that's all. weekdays.. siang kerja, malam tido. weekends.. full with classes.

then, when July came, i berenti kerja dengan Miyazu dan lompat to a new company call Perunding Good Earth. here i was given the title of Consultant. mcm best? it sux actually. sumpah aku tak nak kerja mcm ni dah. i don't do desktop work. jari-jemari aku ni naik gatal kalau menaip je. malas nak cerita lanjut. boring!

owh, before that. when i start working here. it was in the middle of my second semester final exams. again, i have to say millions of thanks to my study buddies. i won't know where i'll be without u guys. especially to fatim, haz, amir & rifqi. tak lupa juga pd geng rumah tongkang pecah, man, hafiz, hanan, zul-dosh, aidill, edmund, salam, munir, just to name a few. thanks!!

my exam result for second semester lagi gempak. syukur pada tuhan. cgpa naik lagi =)

again. life became dull & boring without class & my classmate. cuti semester. kerja..kerja..kerja. i was looking forward for the last semester to start.

when class finally resumes. my life goes back to normal. work & class. owh, i don't know what will happen after i finish my master studies. i think i'll really miss my classmate.

i need to start thinking of something new.. PHD perhaps? wahaha

by the way, i'm actually sittting in my current office doing nothing, surfing tru' the net. waiting for my last day of service. i'm moving again. to my dream job (i think?) with an oil & gas company. will start in January 2009.

sepanjang tahun ni, events which i can consider important, like an instantaneous spark in a fluctuating coherence sinusoidal wave (wtf?) was:

1. new job at miyazu & 1st final exam
2. exam results
3. trip to phuket
4. new job at PGE & 2nd final exam
5. exam results
6. new job again & last final exam (it's in January but the adrenalin has already kicked-in tho')

is that all? almost. i think. still have one day to go before 2009

what's next? ah-huh! wish list-yg sekadar-wish list-sahaja

hohohoh (gelak santa) =D

belum terfikir tajuk yang sesuai

masa di muka jam digital: 2 pagi

gua kembali mem-blog

tiada alasan khusus kenapa gua lama menyepi atau ayat yg mcm best hiatus

gua sebenarnya jiwa kacau time-time begini. sebab-sebab yang mungkin:
1. buntu duduk di dalam kantor yg gua dah meluat sambil duduk tidak membuat kerja
2. gua nak kena masuk dewan peperiksaan pada 3/10/11 Januari 2009
3. kena lapor diri di tempat kerja baru 5 januari 2009
4. mesti menyelesaikan penulisan akademik a.k.a disertasi master gua (banyak lagi x siap!! panik..)
5. gua tiada sumber ilham..

tengahari tadi gua melayan nasi kandar-ganja glenmarie bersama-sama rakan serumah lama gua semasa muda-mudi dulu. seronok! sejenak gua terasa muda kembali. teringat zaman kenakalan gua di parit raja. terkenang masa gua tidak se-boroi sekarang. masa tu masih boleh nampak 6 pax lagi. dahulu masih boleh saing-saing cucuk angin kalau lumba lari 100m / 200m dengan Asafa Powell. dahulu hidup gua sangat free. sekarang? haih..

selepas lunch tadi gua bersama crime partner zaman muda pergi ke masjid UiTM shah alam. hah?? sumpah gua tak tahu dalam tu ada masjid walaupun gua bermastautin kat bandar anggerik ni dah lebih 20 tahun.

"kerak teking!"..member gua bebel lepas solat jumaat sejurus memasuki mobil perodua hitam. sekali lagi gua dejavu zaman pt raja. kami bertiga pon menuju ke kedai minum berhampiran sebuah kolej swasta di sec. 13 shah alam.

semasa perjalan tersebut ntah macam mana topik teman wanita terpacul dari mulut-mulut gua dan member gua. punca, sebab tengok awek student UiTM tepi jalan tergedik-gedik dengan jantan yang gua+member boleh label tak terurus.kenapa la tak tergedik-gedik ngan abang-abang engineer macam gua+member. hahaha. lupekan!

sambil enak minum-minum, seorang lagi rakan lama muncul. dahulu adalah kaki citer blue especially milf genre. sekarang sudah menjadi pendidik. hahaha. dan masih ada sisa-sisa kegatalan masa muda beliau sebab bila nampak awek comel duduk sorang-sorang kat sebelah jadi tak tentu arah. terus kena ugut dengan gua.. repot kat bakal bini karang baru tau! barulah beliau boleh duduk diam-diam sambil menghirup nescafe ais dan makan roti arab.

kan best kalau gua boleh rilek-rilek macam dulu..sekarang nak pikir kerjaya+hutang kereta+etc. nasib lah kursus master gua nak habis dah. kurang satu beban. tapi buat masa sekarang, itu lah juga yang paling membebankan.

takpe, sikit je lagi nak finish line (ayat standard gua pujuk hati sendiri). nak harap org lain pujuk? jangan harap. haha

esok ada class terakhir. pejam celik dah habis 3 semester gua kat UKM. macam tak percaya pon ada. penat weih belajar sambil kerja ni. sumpah gua tak nak buat dah (kursus ni!)

lepas grad nanti boleh la gua gelar diri sendiri master of puppet ;)

munajat chenta ku

malam ini.. hati ku menyanyi sendiri

Malam Ini Kusendiri
Tak Ada Yang Menemani
Seperti Malam Malam
Yang Sudah Sudah

Hati Ini Selalu Sepi
Tak Ada Yang Menghiasi
Seperti Cinta Ini
Yang Slalu Pupus

Tuhan Kirimkanlah Aku
Kekasih Yang Baik Hati
Yang Mencintai Aku
Apa Adanya...

Mawar Ini Semakin Layu
Tak Ada Yang Memiliki
Seperti Aku Ini
Semakin Pupus...

jiwa kembali kacaw....haih!

zoom zoom

here's the thing. this morning i opened my email. a lot of funny and junk mail. but one peculiar phrases caught my attention. this is one of the most lame pickup word.

"do u have a map? coz i'm so lost into you"

try to translate it in malay. here goes nothing..

"awak ada peta? saya dah sesat kat awak"

hahaha. tak rasa macam nak guling-guling tenggiling ke ketawa. sangat tak berkesan jika versi alih bahasa ini di gunakan

di mana?

1. final exam sudah past.

2. keje baru sudah mula.

dua situasi diatas adalah sangat membahagiakan hati. cuma ada sedikit hiccup yg belum di selesaikan. hujung minggu ini adalah hari presentation report assignment yg belum di mulakan lagi penulisannya.

kerja di tempat baru macam best. jawatan pon macam best. cuma kena bersedia korban masa sendiri. u want a bigger gain, u have to make a lot of sacrifices. compromises. kerja di office baru macam tak ada penghujung. boleh kata banyak juga current projek. incoming jangan cerita lah. my first assignment adalah sangat sukar. kena buat guidelines untuk pekerja sektor pembinaan. bukan sedikit pulak tu. takpe. ini lah cabaran yg kena dilalui untuk berjaya. belum pon mula first assignment, dah 3 tugas lain masuk to-do-list. asap. memang berasap..

3. hati sudah berbunga. tapi ngilu tertusuk duri.

situasi diatas adalah tak berapa menggumbirakan. masalah adalah hati terpaut pada kepunyaan orang. anak awang. apa nak kira. si dia belum ada ikatan apa pon. cinta siamang barangkali. lantas dengan selamba mengaku suka pada si dia. respon yg diterima boleh lah. cuma not accessible at the moment. feedback adalah sangat mesra. mungkin si dia memang jenis flirting. layan baik semua orang. ntah lah. wahai hati jangan mudah tunduk. stay put. owh mudah nya berkata tetapi tidak senang dibuat. but u cannot turn off your emotions with a remote control like switching off a love drama on the televie. haiiihs. kesukaran. sendiri lagi.

confessions

1. i am tired. psychologically, physiologically, burn-out.
2. i am worried on the coming final exams.
3. i am uncertain on which career path should i take.
4. i am lonely. i need someone to love.
5. i am broke.

homeostasis

menulis. lama sudah aku tak menulis. sibuk kerja tak juga. sibuk belajar tak juga. entah apa yang mengekang aku dari menulis, aku pun tak tau. tapi harini aku rasa nak menulis. so, here i am thinking what to rumble & mumble

a lot of things happened since my last entry. too much to tell but i'll jot down what i think is interesting to share. a tell tale story of me. every time i'm here. something must've happened. and since i don't have anyone to share with. i'm writing it, at least it could ease the burden a bit.

i'm stressed. really. but not to the extend being crazy and what not. it's just that since i started working with my current employee, i'm stressed by the anonymity of my job. fuck it hard. for the past six month i've been living like hell. changes in sleep pattern are a classic sign of stress. i can't focus and i've lost attentiveness. so i resorted to look for a new one.

the past few weeks i've attended no less than 5 interviews. each time looks promising. but nothing came tru tho'. but i won't give up. last week i went for another one. they verbally offered me a job as an ESH consultant few days later after the interview. wow. this sounds very interesting to me. but i've to meet with the Group Financial Controller first. so there i was, being interviewed with GFO lady. with my offer letter on the table. i can see my name on it. but she said hold on. i've to wait for the Director to sign it first.

oh God. menanti itu memang menyeksakan. but i'll stay put. and positive. i hope i can secure this job. if i stay in my current job any longer. i'll definitely gone crazy and eventually be sent to mental rehab. hahaha

26. a year past the silver jubilee. ones should have something good by now. but here i am. still struggling with my life. my studies. my career. i'm not really sure what i'm doing at the moment. i've a plan, but a vague one. i've to change for the better. aku kena berubah.

owh..it sounds so nice. a bit cliche i supposed. easier said than done.

final exam is just around the corner. i can imagine the pressure coming in. suppose i'll get hired for the new job. i'll serve my remaining days in the starting of the exam. and i'll be sitting for papers in the midst of the new job. stressful indeed. paramount i presumed. mati lah macam ni

my love life doesn't seems to evolve. yet. if i tell anyone new that i don't have a girlfriend for the past 26 years. nobody will believe me. fuck them. it's the truth. and each time i got the same comments. "u're being too choosy, chap". memilih sangat. takde insuran punya mulut. gua chili baru taw. the fact is, i sux at asking someone for a date. i don't have the skills. fuck me.

i need help. buntu. kosong. duduk peluk lutut sendiri.